i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
