I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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