I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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