any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My life is pants optional.
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