We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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