I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
