Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
