I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
