I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have aggressive nipples.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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