I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
