we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hippo gnu deer
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
A+ Viking dick
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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