I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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