Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
