i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize