Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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