Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
