So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
