so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
