if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
