He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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