We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
