Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize