It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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