Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
