It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
