your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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