He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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