____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
