When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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