finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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