You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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