you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Did I show you my penis last night?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
