Jerry, you need to find god
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
