Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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