saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wish I only lived at night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
