I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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