you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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