He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize