And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
