i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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