in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
