i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
