Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
