3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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