She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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