I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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