Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
