Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it was like eating out sand paper
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
