she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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