I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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