"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
