Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize