It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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