There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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