Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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