Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
