Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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