I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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