Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
