he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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