is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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