they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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