my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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