This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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