im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
