My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Congratulations! We have a period
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
