I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
