its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
