People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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